a big risk

the clock is ticking…it’s 1:10 in the morning. i just can’t sleep. my mind is fully awake and i guess there are thoughts waiting to be articulated and to be written. i just had a conversation with a good friend. she’s leaving for US tomorrow to have a well-deserved vacation. good for her. we talked for more than an hour over the fon, and discussed so many things.

we talked about happiness. when can one truly say that he/she is really happy? where does happiness reside? is it from the good things around us? or is it the absence of problems and worries?

i can say that i’m living a good life. good life in the sense that i don’t have to worry of what to eat, where to sleep, and what to do. i just have to look around and everything is within my reach, my fingertips. and i am very much grateful.

so, can i say that i am happy? of course i am. but the big question is would i still be happy if these things were not around? would i still be happy if i had to worry for my food, shelter, fees, and ol?

truly, man by nature is insatiable. we never get satisfied. there is always that emptiness within us. there is always that longing for something higher, and better.

i want to take risk. i want to see it all. i want to try surviving a day in a world where everyone has to work hard in order to eat. i want to experience the feeling of working under pressure, making both ends meet.

i want to get things through my own sweat and hard work. i want to be authentic. i want to see the reality that is happening around me. i want to be one with those people who walk so fast to catch the train.

i don’t want a world that is so artificial. i don’t want to live a life that is easy. i want to see and discover the real me. then i can truly say that i am happy.

risk.risk.risk.